


Oikawa Tooru is Not a Genius

by queen_aelin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Minor Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Seijou, aoba johsai, like if you squint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 22:11:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_aelin/pseuds/queen_aelin
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is not a genius, and he is not the Great King Karasuno makes him out to be.What kind of King does not win?What kind of college would accept someone likehimwhen there were Ushijimas and Kageyamas aplenty to choose from?





	Oikawa Tooru is Not a Genius

              Oikawa Tooru is not a genius. He has nothing to offer except his blood, his sweat, his tears—his suffering. And he knows it. Because at the core of his psyche, at the root of what makes Oikawa _himself_ —all he wants is to prove to the world, to himself, that he can win, that he can stand the longest. That he doesn’t need to be left-handed or be able to set the ball like a goddamn genius—to stand at the top of the world.

              He would do anything to claw his way to the top.

              Oikawa is selfish. He is too used to have the things he wants slip out of his fingers, too used to the bitter sting of regret and unrealized hopes to do anything except clutch onto what he still has with strength borne from desperation. He does not want to give more pieces of himself away, does not want to shatter the fragile thread of necessity that keeps him from falling apart.

              After the Spring Tournament, Tooru feels his fingers slipping. The thread is fraying.

              Three years without an invitation to the National Youth Training Camp. Three years without making it to Nationals. Three years of being so close, being _almost_ there, being not good _enough_ — three years of failed dreams and pain and late practices and sweat and tears and loss— all for what?

              Has he not practiced enough? Has he not strategized enough, analyzed every move, every decision his opponents made in an effort to crush them, stayed up late enough, gave up parties and relationships—

              It has not been enough in the face of geniuses like Kageyama and Ushijima.

              Perhaps it will never be enough, a tiny voice whispers to him. It sounds like every doctor who told him to not stress his knee, like the combined voices of everyone on Karasuno and Shiratorizawa, like the announcers at Nationals who would never call out the name of _his_ team.

              Perhaps more crushing than anything is the looks of disappointment on the faces of his peers. Makki and Mattsun’s twin looks of disappointment hurt like dull punches, but Hajime—Tooru feels his pain like nobody else. Because, more than anyone else, he has practiced alongside Tooru, he has walked alongside him for years, holding Tooru’s hands, and it hurts with a pain unlike the dull despair and panic he feels at the thought of his future (because if he admits that the pain of possibly losing Hajime is so much worse—like Tooru is close to _suffocating_ —it would mean he would have to reevaluate everything he wants in life).

              Oikawa Tooru is not a genius, and he is not the Great King Karasuno makes him out to be.

              What kind of King does not win?

              What kind of college would accept someone like him when there were Ushijimas and Kageyamas aplenty?


End file.
